I can't watch pbs sober anymore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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