you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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