I think im going to throw up on grandma
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize