Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
