he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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