Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
