I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
