I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
