i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
