I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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