I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
