I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
