Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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