Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
