fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
