You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
