the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
