"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
