There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
