Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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