four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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