I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
