Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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