i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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