Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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