I can tuck mytits in my pants
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
