I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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