the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
