Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
