Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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