Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
