idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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