She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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