I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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