Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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