Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
