I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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