You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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