this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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