ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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