I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
