You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
