I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
