I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Couch. On fire.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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