my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
