He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
