i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize