That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
