i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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