he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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