Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
