Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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