If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
