had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
