Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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