Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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