We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize