we have officially lost it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
