He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
