I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
