Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
