HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
