i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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