A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
