Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
