I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
