worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
