If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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