Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
