Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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