it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
