I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
