she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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