he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
