So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
