dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
