I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And then my night got REAL pukey
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
