I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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