It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
