Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
