I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
