He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
