Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
