took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
