Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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