theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
