Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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