I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she told me i tasted like america
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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