i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
