The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
