It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
