soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
