There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
