wanna go halves on a baby?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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