I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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