I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
